hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i would punch a child for taco bell
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
BRING THE BAGELS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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