My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
