I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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