I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
