11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
id be glad to
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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