i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
