i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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