I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we're making bets on your personal life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
