You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
