can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
