she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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