There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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