Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
