Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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