only you would photoshop your dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just had sex on a roof
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
