My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
