Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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