Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Congratulations! We have a period
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