you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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