Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
