My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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