haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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