Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
