Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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