haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
