I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
