Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
