I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
