Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
