I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
