He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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