Nicole vs. Life
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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