u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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