your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
