I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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