only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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