So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
