if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
