The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
God, I missed his penis.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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