3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
