Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
