Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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