i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
