he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
