I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
