it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
