i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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