I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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