im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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