Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
