I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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