Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
