he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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